Ep 110The Hidden Pressure Your Kids Feel About Money
I don't want his trips. I want him.
I don't want his trips, I want him.
Rabbi Ari Schonfeld
The Hidden Pressure Your Kids Feel About Money
with Rabbi Ari Schonfeld
If you have a healthy relationship with your child, all they want is you.
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Quotes
“Kids are incredible, you know, detectors of the truth.”
“It is so unfair to expect our children not to want things when we ourselves pursue those things.”
“We all have people to the right of us and to the left of us financially.”
“I don't want his trips, I want him.”
“Your kid should never feel that crunch.”
“Betting needs a smartphone.”
Takeaways
- 1 Kids care about whatever matters in their social circle - clothing, sports, grades or snacks. That's what they'll feel pressure about, and what they'll tease about.
- 2 There are three kinds of families: those who can afford everything, chinuch families who chose less and raise proud kids, and struggling families who would buy it if they could. The last group has the hardest job.
- 3 Values have to come first and be real. A family that is truly content can make 'camp mommy' a great summer; a made-up reason breeds resentment.
- 4 Consistency is the most important ingredient. If a parent has ten pairs of shoes, the kid's sweater request will win the argument.
- 5 Wealthier families should avoid flaunting (the Torah ideal of living modestly covers cars, homes and lifestyle), and everyone else should be at peace with others having more.
- 6 What kids really want is you: time and attention, not trips or experiences.
- 7 Young children feel possessions as part of themselves (ages 7-9 collect everything); by 7th-8th grade clothing becomes identity; later it shifts to experiences.
- 8 Children should feel safe and secure. Talking about tuition and bills with young kids only scares them.
- 9 Selling and bartering between kids leads to kids taking advantage of each other; elementary kids can't judge the value of money.
- 10 Teasing comes from low self-worth - pushing others down to feel up.
- 11 He thinks personal finance is too early for 7th-8th graders, but high schools could spend 5-20 minutes a week on story-based lessons. A 12th-grade budget project (planning a life 20 years out) was life-changing for the girls who did it.
- 12 Values about vices like betting and AI overuse come mainly from home, not from school programs. Look in the mirror first.